The lost tribe

An 80 year old lady volunteers as a teacher at a local school and has a routine set for the entire day. She lives alone in Mumbai and has a daughter who is settled in London.

She refuses to go and live with her daughter as the lady has her group of work friends in Mumbai and a set routine.

She visits her daughter during holidays and loves the time spent with her daughter and grandchildren. From the vacation, she comes back feeling rejuvenated and approaches her life with a renewed vigor.

On the other hand, a 65-year-old man lives a retired life in Pune. He has a son who is a travel photographer by profession and is out of town for months at a stretch.

The father sits at home expecting and waiting for his son to come and visit him. Most times he feels low and depressed as he misses his son.  He rarely goes down for a walk, does not interact with anyone, and is glued to the TV in the house. He suffers from blood pressure, and aching feet and falls prey to seasonal viruses quite often.

We are a generation of nomads

We (the children of senior citizens) live in a fast-paced world of hurry &curry, where we are proud to be busy and quite lost when we have time on our hands. We strive for days where we can have breakfast, lunch, and dinner in different places.

We are a generation of nomads who dream of traveling the world. Today’s globalization, the demanding nature of jobs, and the ever-increasing living expenses or the need to explore the world and life, on the whole, forces us, the children to move out of our homes.

The times they are changing and with changing times we have to change too.

What does this mean to our aging parents?

What does it mean to individuals from the elderhood?

They are losing two of their tribes at the same time.  Losing work tribe as they retire due to their age and family tribe as children move out of their homes. These are also trying times for them as they may lose their partner, leaving them all alone.

Social isolation

Today, we suffer from an endemic of social isolation.  It has become the biggest risk of our time.

We are hardwired to be a part of a community. We, as humans have a strong biological need to belong and that cannot be replaced.

In the primitive ages, we always lived and survived in groups. Men went hunting together and women cooked and lived together. Psychologically, we seek a sense of belonging.

We need to feel that we matter and that comes only if we belong to a group or a community. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs also talks of belonging and love as a necessary needs to be fulfilled for an individual to survive and perform. 

We often see people from developed cities suffer from severe illnesses like dementia, cardiac arrest, blood pressure, diabetes etc. compared to individuals from rural areas where the number of medical illnesses is quite low.

What is the reason for their longevity and healthier life? It is surely not medical science as developed cities are better exposed to these facilities.

Research done in this field showed that longevity depends 20% on genes and 70% on lifestyle. And by lifestyle, we mean social interaction.

A study done on what reduces our chances of early death showed that the top two reasons are related to social interaction. The top being social integration and the next being close relationships

This means how much you interact, how many people you talk to, how many smiles you share etc, are reasons that help you distinguish between a healthy happy individual and not so healthy and happy individual.

These things combined with a few simple gestures like making eye contact, shaking hands, and sharing hi-fis release dopamine in the body and act like morphine that overcomes pain or trouble, leading to happiness.

Hardwired for community

The need to belong is a fundamental human need. It’s a need to form and maintain lasting, positive, and significant interpersonal relationships.A sense of belongingness is crucial to our well-being.

Lack of belongingness causes various undesirable effects like a decrease in the levels of health and happiness.

In fact, people who lack belongingness suffer higher levels of mental and physical illnesses and are more prone to a broad range of behavioral problems, 

Hence, when you lose tribes – you lose your health, will, and yourself.

Let’s create tribes

Since we are wired such that our well-being depends on our connections with others it is necessary to build our villages. But that does not mean forcing your children or relatives to stay with you. It does not mean that you need to desperately get back in touch with your friends or socialize with people you don’t like.

You can create a tribe by doing something that you are good at, something that will give you meaning, create a routine and help you meet new people. You can create a work tribe.

Losing your family tribe is not under your control but keeping your work tribe and sustaining it is in your control. Work is the only way you can create a community and sustain it. Working will lead to a fulfilling and happy life.

Conclusion

When you live in a world where your family is in different parts of the world, where your friends may be far and distant, where you have a lot of experience and stories to talk about but no one to share with when you are alone at the table, work is the only thing that will keep you active.

Work is the only place where you will build your village –your community. A place where you can talk, smile, share food, and feel good. Work will help you find meaning and get you applause. You will feel at peace and all the negativity around you will be released.

That’s why work like a Young Turk till your last breath. The ones who work and keep them minds active will not be impacted by the actions of empty minds who are inactive.